My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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