Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
