Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
