It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
