I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
