can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Randomize
