the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I think I won the penis lottery.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
