Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
grandma shit on top of the toilet
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ttyl tear gas
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
