you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
