Come see our sink grown plant.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
