Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Why is your signature on my underwear?
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
