I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
