i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
