just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
