Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Randomize