i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize