i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
