Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
