Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
