I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
from now on my penis is your penis
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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