Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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