if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
