I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Can Purell be used as lube?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Randomize
