Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
