My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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