Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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