One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
what day is it and did you see me today?
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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