i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
what day is it and did you see me today?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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