Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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