I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
In other news, I just burned my penis
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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