he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
