Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
