i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
