Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
