I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
