did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
