I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
