I heard we made out
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
