Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
