i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize