Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
two words...techno handjob
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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