a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
