In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
