whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize