theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
