dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
