i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
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