like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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