You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
