I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
