Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
