I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
