You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
