I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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