if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize