U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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