you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
