yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
