And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
