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Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
The Olympian is in my bed
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
