i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Randomize
