I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
