so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize