Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
