I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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