i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
If that was your dad, he is hot
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
