wat bout pragnant strippers??
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
