You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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