i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
