I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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