i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize