I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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