I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
