Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
