The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
