I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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