Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
