he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
