you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
only if we run a train.
done.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
