then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
