I love black thongs
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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