You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize