I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
