you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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