david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
