he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
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