Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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