I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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