Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Randomize
