Pants 0. Shit 1.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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