Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
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