they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
