Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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