So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
