Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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