im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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