Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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