toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
