You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
