There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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