Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
