Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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