How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
