oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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